I age so quickly on the inside.  I already feel like a lonely 30 year old woman who wants babies.  I can never get men out of my head, and then I have the libido of a hungry tiger.  Well, I guess being a teenager and going through a mid-life crisis is pretty much the same.  Being a teenager is like your beginning-life crisis.  Hahahahahahaha.  I’ve also decided to take a vow of chastity until I find my proper life mate.  Being a Buddhist, its not really that hard.  The virgin thing helps, too.  But there is someone I just can’t get off my mind…  Someone I am really starting to care about.  That’s usually how it goes, however.  I’ll feel the world for someone, but I’m just dust in the wind to them.  I kinda like it that way, though.  Its like seeing something absolutely beautiful and wishing you could watch it forever, and then your fucking parents telling you that you have to leave because of 5 o’clock traffic.  That’s life, though, I guess.  I’m starting to understand that a lot more.  Every day I just observe.  Just watch it all pass by..  And I love it.  I love it so much, but life carries such burdens, such pain.  I guess if lifes not beautiful without the pain, I’d rather never ever see beauty again.  That pain itself is what makes life so excruciatingly beautiful.  Theres more sweet than bitter, in my opinion.  Life itself is not what I love, but it is what life brings; the experiences, the people, and the sheer beauty of it all.  How imperfect everything is, making the world so ridiculously perfect.  In a fucked up way.  I believe I am closer to Nirvana every day, and I feel this will be my last lifetime.  I don’t know, I just feel like all this suffering and learning has all accumulated from my lives into one big wad of magnificent that its all over..  Its all finished.  This is my last roll around, the last frontier towards eternal peace.  Death is an illusion, and life is nothing more than a lesson for the soul.  We are all cosmic energy, seeking truth and knowledge and love for the ones we serve, the cosmic beings.  BAM.